Subject: Bounced check....
>Date: Mon, 28 May 2007 10:41:50 -0700
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>Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year
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>old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it
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>published in the New York Times.
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>Dear Sir:
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>I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored
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>to pay my plumber last month.
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>By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his
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>presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed
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>to honor it.
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>I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire
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>pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only
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>eight years.
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>You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity,
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>and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the
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>inconvenience caused to your bank.
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>My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has
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>caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
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>I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and
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>letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the
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>impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank
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>has become.
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>From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood
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>person.
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>My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer
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>be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed
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>personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must
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>nominate.
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>Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other
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>person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application
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>Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete.
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>I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much
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>about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.
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>Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be
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>countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her
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>financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be
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>accompanied by documented proof.
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>In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN
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>number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.
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>I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have
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>modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my
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>account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is
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>the sincerest form of flattery.
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>Let me level the playing field even further.
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>When you call me, press buttons as follows:
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>IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING,
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>PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH!
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>#1. To make an appointment to see me
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>#2. To query a missing payment.
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>#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
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>#4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
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>#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
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>#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
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>#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer
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>is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to
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>that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
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>#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1through 7.
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>#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be
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>put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
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># 10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.
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>While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music
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>will play for the duration of the call.
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>Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
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>establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
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>May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
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>Your Humble Client
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>(Remember: This was written by an 86 year old woman)
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>'YA JUST GOTTA LOVE" US SENIORS" !!!'